Monthly Archive: July, 2012

Hot Dog Vendor Refuses to Report to Islanders

In what could be a defining moment of his career, Harry Bonaducci, a hot dog vendor at Long Island’s Nassau Colisseum, has refused to work Islander home games this season. “It has nothing… Continue reading

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Shane Doan Not Sure Why He Should Get $7 Mil a Year, Either

While NHL bloggers and commentators speculate that Shane Doan, the gritty Phoenix Coyotes winger who is an unrestricted free agent, is up for a big payday, nobody is more confused by why that… Continue reading

Wang’s Boys? In Attempt to Cut Costs, NY Islanders to Have Men Dress Up As ‘Ice Girls’

Charles Wang did not make his fortune by throwing money away. But with his investment in the New York Islanders bleeding his wealth, the computer software mogul will have men fulfill the roles… Continue reading

Lou Lamoriello in Talks to Extend Contract with Satan

                  New Jersey Devils GM Lou Lamoriello is in talks to extend his contract with Satan, the dark prince of the underworld, in hopes to… Continue reading

Patrick Kane Would ‘Give It All Up’ if He Could Just Have a Drink in Peace, Dammit

Chicago Blackhawks star forward Patrick Kane is fed up. “Everybody just needs to chill the (expletive) out,” he said, while sitting in a bar having a beer. “I’m having a beer, ok? What… Continue reading

‘Heartless’ Semin Signed One-Year Contract Because He Was Too Lazy to Sign Multi-Year, GM’s Say

NHL general managers around the league have claimed that enigmatic yet talented winger Alexander Semin signed a one-year contract because he was too lazy to sign longer and not because there is a… Continue reading

Tim Thomas So Bored, He Sits at Home Writing Facebook Posts About Chick-fil-A

As he took another sip of beer from his miniature Stanley Cup mug, Tim Thomas, the former Vezina trophy winner as the NHL’s most valuable goaltender, has admitted that he regrets taking the… Continue reading

Canes Load Up with Semin, Hope to Help Staal Brothers

Controversial winger Alexander Semin agreed to a one year, $7 million contract with the Carolina Hurricanes, proving few players want to come to Russia. “It’s good for both sides,” Hurricanes GM Jim Rutherford… Continue reading

BREAKING: Gary Bettman Forced Nashville to Match Shea Weber Offer Sheet

NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman is not known as a tough guy, but when Nashville Predators star defenseman Shea Weber was on the verge of leaving the financially-struggling franchise for the Philadelphia Flyers in… Continue reading

Columbus Blue Jackets GM Has No Idea Who He Traded Rick Nash For

When news broke of the stunning trade that sent superstar Rick Nash to the New York Rangers, Columbus Blue Jackets general manager Scott Howson was among the most surprised, despite officially agreeing to… Continue reading