EXCLUSIVE: Details of the NHL Owners’ New Offer to NHLPA

The investigative team of The Real Hockey News has uncovered details of the new offer made by the NHL’s owners to the players. Here are a few of the new demands:

1) All NHL players have to apologize for being mean

sorry

In the first section of the new offer, the owners are requiring that each member of the NHLPA must publicly apologize for their actions during the lockout.

“It’s the collective feeling of the owners that many players were a bit mean,” NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman told The Real Hockey News. “And a lot of that meanness was directed towards me, so I made sure that it was put into writing that they apologize. I still cry myself to sleep every night, those sons of [expletive].”

In the new offer, it is stated that players must hold a press conference in which they must each apologize one by one on camera. In addition, each player must also send a hand-written letter to Bettman expressing sincere apologies.

“I don’t think it’s too much to ask,” Bettman said.

2) Players have to take ice as Paulina Gretzky’s Collecting Dust” plays for every game

The NHL owners’ second demand will require the players to forgo taking the ice as energetic rock music pays, and instead use Paulina Gretzky’s hit song, “Collecting Dust” as their song.

“It’s just a nice, fun song that really captures what it means to be a young girl in love,” said New Jersey Devils owner Jeffrey Vanderbeek. “I think the players can learn something from it. I sure have.”

3) Sidney Crosby has to wear this sweatshirt to a nightclub:

sid

“This was actually a demand from the players,” Bettman said. “But the owners liked it so much, they put it in their offer, too.”

 

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