Canada’s top iconoclast and CBC commentator, Don Cherry, has begun to live-tweet his personal thoughts about how much he hates Russians.
With the use of a special device hooked up to Cherry’s brain that transcribes his personal thoughts to Twitter, people will be able to read Cherry’s anti-Russian sentiment in real time.
“It’s really a great opportunity to get inside one of the greatest hockey minds,” said Cherry. “People should be glad they can witness such a great damn thing.”
The event began to unfold on Tuesday when Cherry woke up with the device already attached.
The first tweet was sent out at 6:03 am and read: “Thank God I’m not in Russia, those damn visor-wearing fairies.”
At 6:37 am, while Cherry sat on his porch drinking coffee, a tweet was sent that said: “I hope Samsonov is getting hit by a bus right now.”
In the shower at 7:03 am, Cherry thought: “Stupid Russians don’t hit because they don’t bathe! Too embarrassed to get too close because of their stink!”
While putting on socks at 7:11 am: “People think I hate Russians. Not true. I just wish they were Canadian.”
Although the majority of Cherry’s tweets had to do with Russians, he also waxed philosophically about other topics, like the honesty and goodwill of Canadians.
While driving to a lunch meeting with CBC executives at 11:59 am: “Despite the French, the people of Canada are an example of human perfection and goodness.”
While eating soup at 12:45 pm: “A little-known fact is that when a Canadian farmboy sweats, his sweat has a lemon-fresh scent.”
Nonetheless, the majority of his tweets were about Russians.
While on the toilet at 1:29 pm: “FUCK YOU KOVALCHUK!”